Cape Town, 9th September 2024 – Authorities in Cape Town have launched a citywide search for the ever-loud Cape Crusader All Black fans, who appear to have mysteriously disappeared following the Springboks’ thrilling 18-12 victory over the New Zealand team in the Rugby Championship on Saturday. These normally loud and proud supporters, known for strutting around in their black jerseys with an air of confidence that can only come from being historically ignorant about rugby, are nowhere to be found.

“We started noticing something was wrong immediately after the final whistle,” said Constable Pieter Groenewald, who led the initial investigation. “Usually, you can’t walk ten meters in Cape Town without bumping into someone in black, complaining about how ‘this is just a rebuilding phase’ or ‘the Boks got lucky,’ but last night? Silence. Complete silence.”

The Springboks, riding high on their fourth consecutive win against their once-mighty rivals, left All Blacks fans shell-shocked, with many locals wondering if the supporters have gone into a collective hibernation. Reports have surfaced that several All Blacks jerseys were seen stuffed into dustbins, while others were allegedly up for sale on Facebook Marketplace under the code name “Black Sheep’s Wool.”

“We initially thought the missing persons’ reports were exaggerated,” admitted Officer Groenewald, “but when we saw that the Waterfront had a sudden spike in sales for Springbok merchandise, we knew something was up. We’ve even set up a hotline for anyone who has any information regarding the whereabouts of these die-hard fans. Police suspect some might be hiding in the Cape Flats, whilst some people have reported spotting some in Wynberg.”

Longtime All Blacks fan-turned-reluctant Springbok supporter, Denzil Davids, was found sulking at a local bar, nursing a Black Label. “Look, I’ll be honest, it’s getting hard to be seen in public after four losses,” he muttered, hiding his New Zealand flag behind his back. “I used to shout ‘Go the ABs!’ with pride, but now I’m starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe, the Boks are… better?"

While Cape Town is used to some All Blacks supporters taking a leave of absence after a tough match, the sheer scale of this disappearance has raised eyebrows. Bars that used to be packed with wannabe Mauris have gone eerily quiet, and rumor has it that Uber drivers have stopped receiving requests from anyone wearing black.

Even social media has taken a bizarre turn. Social Media platform X, usually a battlefield of taunts and memes after a Springbok-All Blacks clash, is now filled with questions like: “Is anyone still out there?” and “Has anyone seen Brett from Sea Point? He was last heard muttering something about 'the good old days’ before deleting his entire Facebook account.”

In a particularly damning incident, local radio stations reported a 75% drop in All Blacks fans calling in to discuss ‘how the game could have gone differently.’ One DJ remarked, “It’s like they vanished into thin air. We had one guy call in, but he was just sobbing quietly. I couldn’t even get his name.”

While the authorities continue their search, life in Cape Town carries on. Springbok fans, buoyed by their team’s dominance, have begun reclaiming the social spaces previously overrun by Cape Crusaders. Spontaneous braais have erupted all over the city, and chants of “Siya! Siya!” have replaced the once-ubiquitous haka imitations.

Police, however, remain hopeful. “We’ll find them,” said Officer Groenewald with determination. “It’s just a matter of time. They can’t hide forever. Besides, we’ve got the whole Boks team on our side—they’re used to catching All Blacks off-guard.”