In a move that has shocked absolutely no one, John Steenhuisen and the Democratic Alliance (DA) have officially thrown their weight behind South Africa’s Expropriation Bill, once the subject of their fiercest opposition. Gone are the days of righteous indignation over government land grabs. Now, it’s all about the “progressive” nature of property redistribution. After all, who needs individual property rights when you can have progress? And what better way to show that you're truly evolving than by doing an about-face and adopting the policies you once railed against—just with a more polished, blue-tinted hue.

Steenhuisen, who had spent years telling anyone who would listen that the Expropriation Bill was a thinly veiled land grab, has come around to a new perspective. The DA, in their newly embraced role as the ANC's slightly more polished cousin, has discovered that taking land without compensation isn’t actually theft—it’s a visionary leap into the future. If you're going to be dragged kicking and screaming into the same policies you've been condemning, you might as well add a little flair.

When the Expropriation Bill was signed into law by President Cyril Ramaphosa, it was, unsurprisingly, met with vocal criticism from many corners of the political landscape, especially from those who once claimed to stand for property rights—like the DA. But in a moment of clarity, Steenhuisen addressed the nation, reassuring everyone that what was once seen as an egregious violation of personal ownership was, in fact, “just a bit of progress.” Sure, the government might be taking away your house, your farm, or your business, but in the grand scheme of things, that’s what real progress looks like, right?

“We’ve always believed in progress,” Steenhuisen explained, in what can only be described as a masterclass in political acrobatics. “But let’s face it, in the past, progress was just too slow. Expropriation is just a faster, more efficient way to level the playing field.” And what better way to show that you mean business than by endorsing policies that used to send your supporters into apoplectic fits of rage? If anything, it proves the DA is ready to adapt to the times—just without ever really changing.

Of course, this newfound embrace of the Expropriation Bill may also have something to do with the DA’s cozy position in the new Government of National Unity (GNU). Being part of the ruling coalition does come with its perks, such as, say, a much more comfortable paycheck. The DA, now firmly at the table with the ANC, seems to have discovered that when you’re getting paid handsomely to negotiate the country’s future, certain ideological stances can become... well, flexible. Perhaps it’s the regular government salary that’s giving Steenhuisen and his fellow DA politicians the clarity they’ve so long been searching for.

After all, nothing sharpens your focus on progress like knowing you’re well-compensated to make difficult decisions—decisions that just happen to align with the same policies you once called "disastrous." And as it turns out, the DA’s stance on the Expropriation Bill is not so much about principle, but about ensuring that South Africa’s leadership can afford that extra yacht upgrade. Because, let’s face it, if your paychecks come with the title of "coalition partner," the whole “land expropriation” thing suddenly feels a lot more like a chance to keep the political machine oiled—and your pocket nice and full.

To make things even more entertaining, Steenhuisen, in a show of diplomatic finesse, reached out to former US President Donald Trump, who had criticized the bill on Truth Social, claiming South Africa’s government was essentially “stealing” from its citizens. In an attempt to smooth things over, Steenhuisen gently explained to Trump that the Expropriation Bill wasn’t so bad after all. “Look, Donald,” Steenhuisen said over a very official Zoom call, “it’s really not theft, it’s just progress, with a few amendments. We’re just making sure everyone gets a fair shot at losing their property. It’s all about equity, you know?”

Trump, probably unsure if he was being punked, responded with characteristic confusion: “Isn’t this exactly what we’ve been fighting against with things like eminent domain?” Steenhuisen, ever the politician, smiled and replied, “Oh no, Mr. Trump, you misunderstand. We’re just upgrading the property system so everyone has a chance to lose their land. It’s like a social experiment, but with government-mandated participation.”

Back on the homefront, the DA’s new stance has, unsurprisingly, created quite the stir. Once heralded as the stalwart defenders of property rights and individual freedoms, they now seem to be singing a very different tune. The DA’s new position—“It’s not theft, it’s progress”—has led to a wave of confusion among their long-time supporters, many of whom are wondering if the DA is now simply the ANC, but in a slightly more organized, less corrupt, and far bluer version.

And yet, Steenhuisen remains unflappable. “Look,” he says, “this is just the future, folks. Land redistribution is going to happen one way or another. Why not make it a little more efficient? We’re just making sure that no one is left out of the ‘progress’ party.” His message was clear: If you can’t beat the ANC at their own game, might as well join them.

So, here we are. The DA, now officially on the bandwagon of the Expropriation Bill, is somehow managing to convince us all that this is exactly what South Africa needs—a policy that was once their fiercest foe now being hailed as a brave leap into the future. It’s hard to say what’s more shocking: the DA’s swift about-face or the fact that they’re actually trying to make us believe this was part of the plan all along. Either way, it's certainly progress—even if it’s progress that comes at the expense of everything you own. But hey, at least it’s blue progress, right?

In conclusion, the DA’s embrace of the Expropriation Bill serves as a reminder that politics is a game of strategic evolution—even if that evolution involves pretending you were never really opposed to something you railed against for years. It’s a bold new future for South Africa, where the only thing more elusive than property rights is the DA’s ability to remain consistent. But who needs consistency when you have progress?