News24 has announced the launch of a brand new section dedicated solely to covering racism allegations—aptly titled "Racism: The News You Didn't Know You Needed." This visionary initiative comes in the wake of the recent scandal involving master braaier Jan Braai, whose reputation was nearly burned to a crisp over a misunderstood marketing video that suggested he was only handing out free kerriewors rolls to white shoppers.

Clearly, after the fallout from this kerfuffle, News24 realized there was an untapped market for sensationalist coverage. After all, if the allegations are outrageous enough, who needs to verify facts? In a world where one wrong video clip can unravel years of hard work and dedication, why not create a whole section devoted to the latest in race-related drama?

“Why limit ourselves to the old standards of journalistic integrity and accountability when we can just embrace the chaos?” said Adriaan Basson, Editor-in-Chief and proud curator of the new section. “With the power of a single video clip and the will to stir the pot, we can ensure that every little misunderstanding gets the spotlight it deserves. It’s time to put the ‘fun’ back in ‘fundamental misunderstandings.’”

The launch of the “Racism” section comes just in time for Heritage Day, a day meant to celebrate South African diversity and unity. Instead of highlighting the beauty of our multicultural society, News24 has chosen to focus on tearing it apart with allegations that only serve to ignite division. Because, let’s be honest, nothing says “celebration” quite like a sensationalized claim that pits neighbor against neighbor over a boerewors roll.

In their inaugural article, titled “Did Jan Braai Really Hand Out Boerewors Only to White People? We Investigate!” the publication has vowed to explore every angle, no matter how flimsy or baseless. “We’ll be leaving no stone unturned, except of course the stone that might reveal the truth,” Basson added with a wink, clearly relishing the absurdity of it all.

In an exclusive statement, the new section promised to cover “all future racism allegations with the same level of scrutiny we applied to the Jan Braai incident,” which, judging by their previous reporting, means readers should prepare for a lot of excitement based on partial footage and speculative assumptions.

To celebrate the launch, the section will feature a catchy slogan: “When in doubt, call it racism!” It’s an excellent motto for a publication that thrives on stirring controversy. They might even create a bingo card for readers to keep track of all the buzzwords—privilege, microaggression, and cultural appropriation will surely top the list.

Additionally, in an effort to enhance their coverage, News24 plans to introduce a live tracker complete with a location map that will reveal all possible racist incidents across South Africa. This interactive feature will allow readers to stay updated on where the next alleged racial faux pas might occur, turning everyday interactions into potential headlines.

In a world that desperately needs more understanding and compassion, News24 is determined to lead the charge in the opposite direction. With their new “Racism” section, they’re set to become the go-to source for anyone seeking to create outrage or simply make headlines without a single fact-check in sight.